Please excuse the typos and grammar, that it jumps around a bit – it’s a bit of an emotional release which makes me go off topic a bit here and there, and it is the most edited shortest version I can possibly tell.
It started out simply to explain my situation to friends and a session of therapeutic venting after being denied my rights as a mother in court the day I started this. It wasn’t until the second day after getting so many replies and support that it turned into a cry for help.
Maybe enough people speaking their minds will make a difference, if not to me but to others.
Most of all please think twice about moving your family away from your roots, country, family etc. When a couple splits up, jurisdiction of the children is where you have been for the past year if that long, and that is where your children will stay if one parent insists.
It’s tough on anyone to go through a breakup, let a lone in a foreign country, without family, and then to be told you can’t even take your child to visit your family.
Don’t let it happen to you or your loved ones. It hurts everyone involved.
Seven and a half years ago I started out on what seemed like a wonderful career opportunity and an exciting adventure. Little did I know that I was entering the Twilight Zone so to speak.Small town girl leaves for the Cayman Islands to work as an Interior Designer. Wow, who would have thought? I have worked with the famous, the richest of rich and European royalty and am blessed to be in many of their lives still. They are wonderful people and I am blessed to have met them.Sounds good so far. I made a half a million by the time I hit my thirty fourth birthday. Sounds better now. I had a beautiful little boy and a gorgeous little girl. Could it get any better?I have amazing friends who have proven to me that I am worth something I never knew before. They have been there through thick and thin, helping by offering a shoulder, coming to me when they thought I could take no more. They have become family out of love and not blood.This is my time to thank them once again and to say to you all that are reading this, Mabel, my little "sister" Tash, Jen, Sandra, Ash, Kate, Jill, and the rest of you who have touched my life and offered an ear and support and kind words. Thank you. Thank you every day of your lives. People I don't know have shown empathy and kindness in ways I didn't know possible. I am ashamed, embarrassed and terribly disappointed in myself for where I am today.I have lost my son.I will fight until the day that I die to get him back and make it up to him and try to make him understand that I did everything I could. I have fought for years and lost everything I had in my whole life to try to stop it from happening but it did anyway.
My mistake? His father is abusive and was from very early on. I didn't have the strength and self worth to walk away.He held my work permit, didn't allow me a key to our home, and had total control over me in every way. I wasn't even allowed out of the house without him. To those that didn't know us we looked like a happy couple that never went anywhere without each other. But for anyone who knows me and how I love to joke and laugh and play they know the laughter was gone when he was around.He has beaten me, raped me, robbed me, owned me and now he has taken my baby from me. The baby he didn't want but that he soon realized would suit his need to hide his secret. The same reason he needed to keep me even though it became clear he hated me. He's gay. His boyfriend tormented me, hates me and threw me out of my home one night saying he was there first. They have been together for about 12 years. I didn't care that he was gay when I was confronted with it. At that time it didn't matter anymore. He was wrong to risk my life because he can't deal with who he is and is ashamed for something that cannot be helped anymore than I can help being straight.He risked my life and that of my unborn baby. By the grace of God we are healthy.The abuse got worse, he became strange with my son, sneaking him into bed with him at night. The control was beyond what I could deal with and my son was getting old enough to see it and hear the awful names his daddy called mommy.I was a whore because I was leaving him. He had to justify to the world why his wife left him and then why I left him. He can't deal with who he is so he had to blame the women in his life. The women he hates.He swore if I left him he'd punish me. His words were that he'd see me dead before ever letting me take his son of this Island.I lost my home, and was forced to move to a one bedroom apartment with my son, no support, paying the nanny, the private school, and all expenses with no help. I lost my personal belongings including my family photos and pictures of my beloved little boy. I have nothing but my memories. My furniture was given away. My belongings were put in the attic as my son tells me. I was never allowed back in my home to collect my things. I got over it by saying at least I have my son.I lost my family. The Cayman Court system did not allow me to travel even for vacation with me son for three years, and his father didn't allow it for the year before. I went four years without seeing my family, without seeing my country or even leaving this place I now call Alcatraz. I finally was allowed to go home this summer for three weeks. It was heaven to have freedom and hell to know it was short lived.I am sorry for the pain I have caused my family. I can never make it up to them.Over time and court hearings I was losing more and more time with my son. Every trial left me with less and feeling more hopeless.I predicted three years ago that I would lose my baby and it has happened.The order states that I was found to be "an excellent mother" and the father was found to be "verbally and emotionally abusive"Never mind the pictures, doctors’ reports, therapist reports, and affidavits of friends that witness the black and blue look I wore for years. These reports dated back to within six months of knowing my son's father. It didn't seem to matter that I had taken beatings or that I have been subject to extreme emotional abuse - much of this was in writing and submitted to the court. I was often emailed twenty to thirty times a day - while at work. Did I mention this man was my boss? I was text messaged as much if I didn't open the emails or respond I was called at my desk. I was called on my cell, at home etc. I was called names, insulted in many ways and ridiculed to the point of being in tears every day but trying to work because the child support of $500 doesn't go far in the Cayman Islands.I went to the police, Family support unit and anyone who would listen. Did you know there are no "harassment laws" in Cayman?I was told I needed to learn to deal with it better and not let it get to me.After three years an officer finally wrote a report to state that she had read the texts, seen the amount of calls to my phone, and read many of the thousands of abusive emails put before her. I took this to the court. It didn't matter.My son's father took my paychecks, cut my work hours down to nothing, and harassed me at work making it impossible to function until I became very ill. He withheld almost ten thousand worth of vacation pay until I went to the Labour Board.
I showed all evidence I had to the Labour Board. The Assistant Director investigated and wrote a very well written report that stated the working conditions were inhumane. He stated according to his investigation that my pay had been cut by several hundred thousand from one year to the next.
This was because I had moved on and my ex found out I was pregnant and had put a down payment on a house.He was angry and I was to be punished further.He admitted to the court that he had thought I would come back to him.I'd rather die!He told the Island I was a whore once again. He spread rumors that I didn't know who my daughter’s father was. Then when she was born and her parentage couldn't be denied he spread around that I chose her father as a sperm donor. Her father chooses to believe this and hasn't seen her, nor helped me out even when I lost my job. She's been sick since she was three months old. She vomits constantly and has been so sick she lays on the floor sometimes and can't move. She just threw up all over her bed tonight. She's 20 months old and can often get herself to a toilet or garbage pail to throw up - she shouldn't even know to hang her head in a toilet to be sick.She's a trooper.When I cried today, she came and wiped my tears, hugged me and told me I was pretty. I cried more.She loves her brother more than anyone in the world and asks for him every day.She sits at the front window with the cat every morning watching and hoping her brother is coming that day.It breaks my heart and every morning I cry.
My son has been hurt beyond what any child should have to go through.Several weeks after leaving his father and on a visit to his father's he was rushed to the hospital. His ear was cut in half and his head cut open. There was no explanation for this injury and his ear is still scarred today leaving me the constant reminder of how I failed to keep him safe.Several months later my son was brought home with a man sized hand print bruised into his neck. He told his psychiatrist and others that his daddy did it and that daddy was mad.There so much more, but I am crying too hard to go on. It gets worse for my son in ways that a little boy may never recover from.I will continue on another night after getting the tears out of my system.Thank you for reading and I hope you read the rest. Women and children on this Island are being violated and our right to safety and security is being taken away. Mothers are being forced to leave the Island without their children. Why? Because they are not Caymanian.
It's another day and not too early to have a good cry so here goes.After my son was brought home with a handprint bruise around his neck the school called Children and Family Services(CFS). They suggested that his father not see my son until the investigation was over.My ex took me to court within days stating I had broken a court order by not letting him see his son. However the giving up His son was on a voluntary basis as suggested by CFS. This eventually came out in court but that judge (I should mention we've been through five and not one of them know the whole sordid story)I was ripped apart by this judge. She tore me apart as she always did when I, or any other woman as I've come to find out, was in her courtroom. When the fact that my son had been taken out of school a few times to see doctors regarding his neck, and the Family Support Unit (FSU) she said"No wonder that child is so messed up with a mother like that!"I was supposed to go home that Christmas with My son. The woman that had been the only grandmother I ever knew was dying of cancer and we were going home to say goodbye. The judge said,"If that woman thinks she can make allegations like these in my court room then she better not think she's ever taking that child on a holiday off this Island"And so it was. I was not allowed off for three years by the courts.
No regard for the fact that my son had just turned three and what the hell could he be missing in school that was more important than finding out who put a handprint around his little neck. She ordered that I get affidavits from every Doctor my son had every seen, while she continued to rip apart my character as a woman and a mother.She then gave my son's father more visitation than he ever had. He now had more waking hours with my son than I did, leaving me to do the tough work like getting him to bed and up at six to drive for an hour to get to school.These affidavits cost me close to $20 000 CI which for you Canadians would have been closer to $30 000 at that time. She attached a penal order, meaning if I didn't get all of these within a certain date I would go to jail.I still don't know what I did? If I were to not report this I would be a negligent mother. The fact that the school reported it as well only verified that there was a serious problem.An investigation started and stopped half way through and never finished. The reports showed the FSU officers did not even get statements from the people who noticed the handprint or the photographer who spent time alone with my son getting pictures and he told her what happened.A Social worker was assigned to my son's case. She made an appointment with me, but cancelled soon afterward and never rebooked. I called her and voiced my concerns and after a while she refused my calls.I found out later in court that the father got angry when she called to book an appointment with him and that is why she backed off.However this woman did things afterward that should have her working as a toilet cleaner in Burger King and not with children.The court was upset almost a year later that there were no reports or completed investigation. The judge issued an order that these be submitted to the court so the same social worker was called and told she could not get out of it this time.So a year later this nut job decides to do a report.
At the same time , a long time friend but no longer one, came to visit. He left my house after seeing odd behaviour with my son but wasn't friend enough, man enough or just decent enough a human being to talk to me about it. Instead he said he was afraid for himself and left on a false pretense.Upon arriving in Canada he went to Social Services there and filed a report that basically was used against me and had a big role in my losing my son.False reports do not go over well and there was no validity to his report. However I didn't see his report that came from Canada but what this nut job social worker told me it said was pretty horrendous and I was shocked that it came from someone I had thought was a friend for 15 years. He's never explained himself or provided a copy of the report so I have no way of knowing what the truth of that report is.When my travel rights were taken away I went to the Embassies - American and Canadian. My son was born in the States at his father's insistence. I was put on a plane in labour because his father wanted to have the benefits he'd get with an American child. Island people have trouble at the US customs that a Canadian would never have. It is unfair but it is the way it is and my ex found a way out of it by having an American son.The US embassy started investigating. They had many similar complaints from other women. When they called the social worker she refused to talk to them, stating she had to get me to sign a release. Sounds right, but what she did next was amazing.She called my ex and told him that he was being investigated. His lawyer called my lawyer and my lawyer called me to tell me that he was furious that he may have his travel rights restricted to the US. Not that he was concerned with the safety of his child or who hurt him. He denied hurting his son, but he never tried to figure out who did - because he knew who did.Anyway after that call warning me, me and my mother, who was here, slept in one room that night with a baseball batlike piece of wood by my bed. My ex has told me many times that he would have me killed and I take this seriously when he is enraged.I have police reports of someone coming in my house one night and beating me and leaving just like that. It was dark, I was half asleep and didn't see them and was left unconscious.Another time when my mom was here the lock to my front door was picked and damaged. I have a police report of this as well.At least if he kills me there will be a path that leads to him for it.One night my son who was then four came home dry heaving and crying. He kept grabbing his bottom. When I checked him out I noted his bottom was torn open and bleeding. I took him to the doctors and although the doctor made a note of it for his files he did nothing.There is no law here that states doctors, teachers or other professionals have an obligation to report suspected abuse. Nothing was done.I called the social worker to tell her and she said"If you tell me anything else like that against the father I will take your child out of your home."And of course I did not report anything ever again. I try not to notice anything wrong with my son and don't examine him too much because there is nothing I can do to help him.After we realized this social worker was useless and biased as she was obviously working for the father we realized why.My ex posted a letter from Children and Family Services at work where I would see it. It was thanking him for his generous donations! What kind of government institution takes donations from someone being investigated????So that explained the lack of investigation, the biased report, etc.I took this to the Complaint's Commissioner and we sent the head of CFS a letter of complaint. It took two months for her just to acknowledge the letter and to say she'd passed it on to someone to look into. I never heard back from them.I compiled an affidavit that consisted of 139 pages of factual reports of abuse by doctors,
teachers, and a child psychologist, detailing the above mentioned incidents and more. The courts did not acknowledge this or even make mention of it in a 78 page judgment. They will not deal with it!So my son continues to be abused, physically, emotionally, verbally etc. He is forced to sleep with his father, and when he has a little friend sleep over both boys sleep with his father. What kind of man doesn't realize this is inappropriate. To me he has become Cayman's Michael Jackson.I am skimming over many details that would turn most people's stomach because the story is too long.The Human Rights Committee began a report upon receiving a copy of my 139 page affidavit over a year ago. But from what I know it has not yet been presented. It is entitled "The State's Responsibility to Protect the Child"It is too late to save my little boy from the horrendous abuse he's been subject to but I hope it will save others.That is enough for this morning but I will write more later that tells of the treatment received in court and how an "excellent" mother has come to lose her child, go from making over $300 000 CI a year to selling my belongings to put food in the fridge and why we live in a house that is 100 degrees in the day with no a/c, sleep on the floor and go without when my son's father lives in the lap of luxury thanks to a lot of my money he stole.I am winding down to the point of the story now. Over all there were many more reports of abuse, odd markings, rashes etc in the genital area, behaviour symptoms of abuse, soiling himself, wetting himself, violence against other children, nightmares, and self mutilation in a subconscious way that leaves him bleeding, a child psychologist who stated she felt there was ongoing abuse but not enough evidence at the time to prove it. She was threatened by my ex for this report and my son was not allowed to see her anymore.He then developed stomach problems within weeks. He had pains, dry heaving and cramps on occasions he had extended time away from me. This went on and he was diagnosed with IBS caused by stress. The medication worked but his father stated I was pouring poison down his throat. I have documented messages stating I am trying to kill my son by giving him lethal dosages of medicine. The doctor that reported the illness and the messages he witnessed was then accused of being my lover. Whenever someone helps me, or befriends me I am sleeping with them, or with their husbands, and at one time was accused of sleeping with a female friend who had encouraged me to leave my ex. To my friends this is comical considering how afraid I am of even talking to men. But I have learned to be afraid because of years of being called whore.I miss the days of tossing a football around with a male friend, having a drink and shooting the shit like I always have, being the tomboy I always was. And my son is certainly missing out on the sports and other masculine contact that his father is not able to provide.My ex denied in court that My son had any stomach problems. Yet after the trial he used the stomach problems to take a vacation with My son, not allowing me to go. He's taken My son to the hospital many a night and not allowed me to see him or talk to him. My son's stomach problem has progressed to constant vomiting at his father's house since being taken from me.He has allowed a five year old to apply wart treatment by himself to his own foot in a hard to reach spot. My son applied too much and the acid (which has a warning on the bottle even if he hasn't the common sense to know) dripped between his toes and ate away at the flesh. Then My son smelled the bottle, leaving an acid skin burn on his nose. My son said it hurt and he dropped the bottle and it broke. I have all of this in emails from his father that confirms what I am saying.Last year I applied to the court to allow me to remove My son from the jurisdiction to return to Canada with me considering I was no longer able to work on the Island.Our trial was bumped three times, after my mother flew down to testify only to be told the mornings the trial was to start that we were bumped yet again.We went from a week trial to two days, not leaving time to deal with all the issues.My ex selected and paid a psychiatrist from Miami to come in and do a report. He spent an hour and a half with each of us and made a report to state that I would not promote a good relationship between father and son. He stated that I should stay for two more years so that My son could properly form the bond with his father that couldn't be broken. He was told by my ex that I had the right to stay as a key employee, however the letter from immigration states otherwise as well as the letter I now have from my ex telling immigration he does not support my trying to stay on island and work.The judge based his whole decision around this doctor's report, ignoring all others including the child psychologist who had been working with My son for years.The Miami doctor failed to mention in his report that My son has a sister. When finally asked by my lawyer the affect of losing his sister would have on my son the doctor looked surprised and then simply said "It will be a disappointment."He said I should stay and that if I left it would be by choice. He said I should maintain care and control as long as I stayed - that there was no reason to take my son from me. I am a good mom.He basically said my son's nanny was at that time more important than his mother. My ex has gone out of his way to keep the nanny here and she is well beyond her time allotted on the Island.However, the man who was said would promote a good relationship between mother and child has since:
Taken me to court as soon as possible to access his care and control. He did not wait to see when I would be forced to leave to do this but did it immediately.He wrote to Immigration to state he does not back my staying.He refuses to let me speak with my son, see my son when sick or be involved in any of my son's medical issues. He said he doesn't like my state of mind and will not allow me near my son.He wrote an affidavit stating he didn't think I could come back on Island if the court allowed me to take my son to Canada for our first trip in four years.He lied in court dozens of times - all proven because we have transcripts.He stole my paychecks - this was proven, admitted etc. and brought to the court's attention - I guess that must be okay here!He took me to court to garnish my wages because I couldn't afford the most expensive school on Island. I suggested my son go to public school or a less expensive private school. I was not allowed to make this decision when I had care and control. The female judge garnished my wages.I didn't make enough at that time under the garnished wages law to allow this. (Because he had cut my hours more than half, and taken many cuts off my cheques already) Therefore the court order to allow this was never signed. He used a fake order, not signed, not filed with the court, and forced his accountant to garnish my wages anyway.All shown to the judge. Doesn't matter.He sued me to pay his landscaping bill stating I did it I should pay for it. He said he had no idea I was doing it even though it took several days to do. He said he shouldn't have to pay for it even though I was made to leave the house. Yet he wouldn't allow the landscaping company to take their trees back when they tried and told them he'd call the police.
I had to pay - the judge said although he had no right to this ethically speaking, by law it was to be accepted as a gift. He then took our furniture out of our house at Christmas because I couldn't afford to pay for it due to having to pay for the landscaping. He removed it and then sent emails to his friends laughing at me about it. This email accidentally came to me as well. He has left his son sitting on the floor when the cost of the furniture was only $750He payed support whenever he felt like it and lied in court saying he always pays and always on time. However the court funds office provided a printout that shows otherwise.He has lied, cheated, stolen, broken laws, abused etc and it is okay. The courts refuse to see him as anything other than a great father. My son is different. He has some emotional problems, and some serious physical problems.After taking my son from me he emailed me to say "that I would grow old and bitter and alone and he thanked God every night for doing what was right for my son" You can't hurt a parent any deeper than by making this statement to a mother who lost her child simply because she is an ex pat!!!I am not a bad mother.I was not found negligent, unfit, or a bad mother in any way nor was there any evidence ever brought to the court to say this.I did nothing to deserve losing my son.I lost my son because I am an expat.The worst thing is I lost my son to an abusive man. I have sold everything I own to stay longer, I have accepted money from my parents, and we live in poverty and inhumane conditions. It is often a hundred degrees in the house. I make sure the kids are comfortable. They can play in their little pool, they get the room in the house with the great breeze and they get the fan. They get the food and I gladly go without to see them eat.I was lucky enough to go home for five weeks and pack on 15 pounds! Poor mom - couldn't keep the food in the house.Even the baby gained three pounds. My son ate healthy and was happy to discover he liked it! It was better than the diet of fast food he usually gets where he lives.And he didn't throw up the whole three weeks with us. However he shed a few tears and wet himself twice after some disturbing calls with his father. I can find no words to describe the pain and anguish of watching my son suffer and watching my daughter go without while I fight to make this right.I will never be able to make it up to those around me who have suffered right along with me. I spent years keeping it all to myself as the Cayman society teaches us to do. I question why, what did I do, what could I have done better, how could I have fought harder, but even with the help of the counselors at the Women's Resource Center, I still have no answers. They have lived through this with me, and they reassure me on a regular basis that they can find no fault in me for what has happened. I believe them but I still can't stop looking for what I did wrong.I can't understand it and can't accept that the judge was right when he took a five year old boy from "an excellent mother" and gave him to a man he found to be "emotionally and verbally abusive". I can't believe that this judge justified the abuse by following up to say "that he felt it was out of the father's frustration in the fact the mother would not live in the family unit he wanted".So abuse is okay if you have a reason why? Because I didn't do what an abusive man wanted of me his continued abuse is justified?I can't accept that a judge should base his whole decision on one paid witness' findings while ignoring an expert witness who is employed by the Cayman Island Government.I can't accept that laws can be broken and that it is okay because of who broke them.That the Government has spent years and a vast amount of money to set up the Women’s Resource Center, yet the court system ignores their reports.That the Labour Board, another Government Institute can submit a report to be totally ignored as well.It seems that the Cayman Island Government and many hard working people are trying to make changes to this Island to help protect women and children, yet the court system refuses to acknowledge these Government Institutions.The courts have basically turned the Women's Resource Center into a big Band-Aid! There to help us deal with being abused, but not allowed to take steps to help make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My grief and anguish is mixed deeply with anger beyond any I have ever known before. I feel frustration and waves of anger that make me want to scream, kick, throw something, break something etc and there is no way to let this anger out. I have nothing left to lose but to fight back by telling my story.There is a group of women that have banded together and we have an email address that we all access. It helps us remember we are not alone.It is mailto:stayingsafecayman@gmail.comm
Please feel free to make comments that other's can read. Bounce suggestions around, ask questions that I may have not answered in this brief account of almost 8 years of terror at the hands of one man, now enabled and made stronger by the court system.Please forward this to everyone you know on face book and ask them to do the same.Please email anyone you know in Government, the media, women and children's advocators, Human rights advocates, etcPlease email your thoughts to Canada's Governor General, Michaelle Jean at info@gg.caPlease do this to help my children if no other reason. You all have kids, sisters, mothers, etc please picture yourself in my shoes, or your sisters, your kids, your mom, etc. Please do this quickly - I have 20 days left before I will be deported.I am trying to get into court again but I can't afford to keep staying.Ask Canada to help, tell them they need to protect their citizens no matter where they are, tell them to send an expert witness, legal team, a representative of some sort to the Cayman Courts. Tell them to get involved.
It started out simply to explain my situation to friends and a session of therapeutic venting after being denied my rights as a mother in court the day I started this. It wasn’t until the second day after getting so many replies and support that it turned into a cry for help.
Maybe enough people speaking their minds will make a difference, if not to me but to others.
Most of all please think twice about moving your family away from your roots, country, family etc. When a couple splits up, jurisdiction of the children is where you have been for the past year if that long, and that is where your children will stay if one parent insists.
It’s tough on anyone to go through a breakup, let a lone in a foreign country, without family, and then to be told you can’t even take your child to visit your family.
Don’t let it happen to you or your loved ones. It hurts everyone involved.
Seven and a half years ago I started out on what seemed like a wonderful career opportunity and an exciting adventure. Little did I know that I was entering the Twilight Zone so to speak.Small town girl leaves for the Cayman Islands to work as an Interior Designer. Wow, who would have thought? I have worked with the famous, the richest of rich and European royalty and am blessed to be in many of their lives still. They are wonderful people and I am blessed to have met them.Sounds good so far. I made a half a million by the time I hit my thirty fourth birthday. Sounds better now. I had a beautiful little boy and a gorgeous little girl. Could it get any better?I have amazing friends who have proven to me that I am worth something I never knew before. They have been there through thick and thin, helping by offering a shoulder, coming to me when they thought I could take no more. They have become family out of love and not blood.This is my time to thank them once again and to say to you all that are reading this, Mabel, my little "sister" Tash, Jen, Sandra, Ash, Kate, Jill, and the rest of you who have touched my life and offered an ear and support and kind words. Thank you. Thank you every day of your lives. People I don't know have shown empathy and kindness in ways I didn't know possible. I am ashamed, embarrassed and terribly disappointed in myself for where I am today.I have lost my son.I will fight until the day that I die to get him back and make it up to him and try to make him understand that I did everything I could. I have fought for years and lost everything I had in my whole life to try to stop it from happening but it did anyway.
My mistake? His father is abusive and was from very early on. I didn't have the strength and self worth to walk away.He held my work permit, didn't allow me a key to our home, and had total control over me in every way. I wasn't even allowed out of the house without him. To those that didn't know us we looked like a happy couple that never went anywhere without each other. But for anyone who knows me and how I love to joke and laugh and play they know the laughter was gone when he was around.He has beaten me, raped me, robbed me, owned me and now he has taken my baby from me. The baby he didn't want but that he soon realized would suit his need to hide his secret. The same reason he needed to keep me even though it became clear he hated me. He's gay. His boyfriend tormented me, hates me and threw me out of my home one night saying he was there first. They have been together for about 12 years. I didn't care that he was gay when I was confronted with it. At that time it didn't matter anymore. He was wrong to risk my life because he can't deal with who he is and is ashamed for something that cannot be helped anymore than I can help being straight.He risked my life and that of my unborn baby. By the grace of God we are healthy.The abuse got worse, he became strange with my son, sneaking him into bed with him at night. The control was beyond what I could deal with and my son was getting old enough to see it and hear the awful names his daddy called mommy.I was a whore because I was leaving him. He had to justify to the world why his wife left him and then why I left him. He can't deal with who he is so he had to blame the women in his life. The women he hates.He swore if I left him he'd punish me. His words were that he'd see me dead before ever letting me take his son of this Island.I lost my home, and was forced to move to a one bedroom apartment with my son, no support, paying the nanny, the private school, and all expenses with no help. I lost my personal belongings including my family photos and pictures of my beloved little boy. I have nothing but my memories. My furniture was given away. My belongings were put in the attic as my son tells me. I was never allowed back in my home to collect my things. I got over it by saying at least I have my son.I lost my family. The Cayman Court system did not allow me to travel even for vacation with me son for three years, and his father didn't allow it for the year before. I went four years without seeing my family, without seeing my country or even leaving this place I now call Alcatraz. I finally was allowed to go home this summer for three weeks. It was heaven to have freedom and hell to know it was short lived.I am sorry for the pain I have caused my family. I can never make it up to them.Over time and court hearings I was losing more and more time with my son. Every trial left me with less and feeling more hopeless.I predicted three years ago that I would lose my baby and it has happened.The order states that I was found to be "an excellent mother" and the father was found to be "verbally and emotionally abusive"Never mind the pictures, doctors’ reports, therapist reports, and affidavits of friends that witness the black and blue look I wore for years. These reports dated back to within six months of knowing my son's father. It didn't seem to matter that I had taken beatings or that I have been subject to extreme emotional abuse - much of this was in writing and submitted to the court. I was often emailed twenty to thirty times a day - while at work. Did I mention this man was my boss? I was text messaged as much if I didn't open the emails or respond I was called at my desk. I was called on my cell, at home etc. I was called names, insulted in many ways and ridiculed to the point of being in tears every day but trying to work because the child support of $500 doesn't go far in the Cayman Islands.I went to the police, Family support unit and anyone who would listen. Did you know there are no "harassment laws" in Cayman?I was told I needed to learn to deal with it better and not let it get to me.After three years an officer finally wrote a report to state that she had read the texts, seen the amount of calls to my phone, and read many of the thousands of abusive emails put before her. I took this to the court. It didn't matter.My son's father took my paychecks, cut my work hours down to nothing, and harassed me at work making it impossible to function until I became very ill. He withheld almost ten thousand worth of vacation pay until I went to the Labour Board.
I showed all evidence I had to the Labour Board. The Assistant Director investigated and wrote a very well written report that stated the working conditions were inhumane. He stated according to his investigation that my pay had been cut by several hundred thousand from one year to the next.
This was because I had moved on and my ex found out I was pregnant and had put a down payment on a house.He was angry and I was to be punished further.He admitted to the court that he had thought I would come back to him.I'd rather die!He told the Island I was a whore once again. He spread rumors that I didn't know who my daughter’s father was. Then when she was born and her parentage couldn't be denied he spread around that I chose her father as a sperm donor. Her father chooses to believe this and hasn't seen her, nor helped me out even when I lost my job. She's been sick since she was three months old. She vomits constantly and has been so sick she lays on the floor sometimes and can't move. She just threw up all over her bed tonight. She's 20 months old and can often get herself to a toilet or garbage pail to throw up - she shouldn't even know to hang her head in a toilet to be sick.She's a trooper.When I cried today, she came and wiped my tears, hugged me and told me I was pretty. I cried more.She loves her brother more than anyone in the world and asks for him every day.She sits at the front window with the cat every morning watching and hoping her brother is coming that day.It breaks my heart and every morning I cry.
My son has been hurt beyond what any child should have to go through.Several weeks after leaving his father and on a visit to his father's he was rushed to the hospital. His ear was cut in half and his head cut open. There was no explanation for this injury and his ear is still scarred today leaving me the constant reminder of how I failed to keep him safe.Several months later my son was brought home with a man sized hand print bruised into his neck. He told his psychiatrist and others that his daddy did it and that daddy was mad.There so much more, but I am crying too hard to go on. It gets worse for my son in ways that a little boy may never recover from.I will continue on another night after getting the tears out of my system.Thank you for reading and I hope you read the rest. Women and children on this Island are being violated and our right to safety and security is being taken away. Mothers are being forced to leave the Island without their children. Why? Because they are not Caymanian.
It's another day and not too early to have a good cry so here goes.After my son was brought home with a handprint bruise around his neck the school called Children and Family Services(CFS). They suggested that his father not see my son until the investigation was over.My ex took me to court within days stating I had broken a court order by not letting him see his son. However the giving up His son was on a voluntary basis as suggested by CFS. This eventually came out in court but that judge (I should mention we've been through five and not one of them know the whole sordid story)I was ripped apart by this judge. She tore me apart as she always did when I, or any other woman as I've come to find out, was in her courtroom. When the fact that my son had been taken out of school a few times to see doctors regarding his neck, and the Family Support Unit (FSU) she said"No wonder that child is so messed up with a mother like that!"I was supposed to go home that Christmas with My son. The woman that had been the only grandmother I ever knew was dying of cancer and we were going home to say goodbye. The judge said,"If that woman thinks she can make allegations like these in my court room then she better not think she's ever taking that child on a holiday off this Island"And so it was. I was not allowed off for three years by the courts.
No regard for the fact that my son had just turned three and what the hell could he be missing in school that was more important than finding out who put a handprint around his little neck. She ordered that I get affidavits from every Doctor my son had every seen, while she continued to rip apart my character as a woman and a mother.She then gave my son's father more visitation than he ever had. He now had more waking hours with my son than I did, leaving me to do the tough work like getting him to bed and up at six to drive for an hour to get to school.These affidavits cost me close to $20 000 CI which for you Canadians would have been closer to $30 000 at that time. She attached a penal order, meaning if I didn't get all of these within a certain date I would go to jail.I still don't know what I did? If I were to not report this I would be a negligent mother. The fact that the school reported it as well only verified that there was a serious problem.An investigation started and stopped half way through and never finished. The reports showed the FSU officers did not even get statements from the people who noticed the handprint or the photographer who spent time alone with my son getting pictures and he told her what happened.A Social worker was assigned to my son's case. She made an appointment with me, but cancelled soon afterward and never rebooked. I called her and voiced my concerns and after a while she refused my calls.I found out later in court that the father got angry when she called to book an appointment with him and that is why she backed off.However this woman did things afterward that should have her working as a toilet cleaner in Burger King and not with children.The court was upset almost a year later that there were no reports or completed investigation. The judge issued an order that these be submitted to the court so the same social worker was called and told she could not get out of it this time.So a year later this nut job decides to do a report.
At the same time , a long time friend but no longer one, came to visit. He left my house after seeing odd behaviour with my son but wasn't friend enough, man enough or just decent enough a human being to talk to me about it. Instead he said he was afraid for himself and left on a false pretense.Upon arriving in Canada he went to Social Services there and filed a report that basically was used against me and had a big role in my losing my son.False reports do not go over well and there was no validity to his report. However I didn't see his report that came from Canada but what this nut job social worker told me it said was pretty horrendous and I was shocked that it came from someone I had thought was a friend for 15 years. He's never explained himself or provided a copy of the report so I have no way of knowing what the truth of that report is.When my travel rights were taken away I went to the Embassies - American and Canadian. My son was born in the States at his father's insistence. I was put on a plane in labour because his father wanted to have the benefits he'd get with an American child. Island people have trouble at the US customs that a Canadian would never have. It is unfair but it is the way it is and my ex found a way out of it by having an American son.The US embassy started investigating. They had many similar complaints from other women. When they called the social worker she refused to talk to them, stating she had to get me to sign a release. Sounds right, but what she did next was amazing.She called my ex and told him that he was being investigated. His lawyer called my lawyer and my lawyer called me to tell me that he was furious that he may have his travel rights restricted to the US. Not that he was concerned with the safety of his child or who hurt him. He denied hurting his son, but he never tried to figure out who did - because he knew who did.Anyway after that call warning me, me and my mother, who was here, slept in one room that night with a baseball batlike piece of wood by my bed. My ex has told me many times that he would have me killed and I take this seriously when he is enraged.I have police reports of someone coming in my house one night and beating me and leaving just like that. It was dark, I was half asleep and didn't see them and was left unconscious.Another time when my mom was here the lock to my front door was picked and damaged. I have a police report of this as well.At least if he kills me there will be a path that leads to him for it.One night my son who was then four came home dry heaving and crying. He kept grabbing his bottom. When I checked him out I noted his bottom was torn open and bleeding. I took him to the doctors and although the doctor made a note of it for his files he did nothing.There is no law here that states doctors, teachers or other professionals have an obligation to report suspected abuse. Nothing was done.I called the social worker to tell her and she said"If you tell me anything else like that against the father I will take your child out of your home."And of course I did not report anything ever again. I try not to notice anything wrong with my son and don't examine him too much because there is nothing I can do to help him.After we realized this social worker was useless and biased as she was obviously working for the father we realized why.My ex posted a letter from Children and Family Services at work where I would see it. It was thanking him for his generous donations! What kind of government institution takes donations from someone being investigated????So that explained the lack of investigation, the biased report, etc.I took this to the Complaint's Commissioner and we sent the head of CFS a letter of complaint. It took two months for her just to acknowledge the letter and to say she'd passed it on to someone to look into. I never heard back from them.I compiled an affidavit that consisted of 139 pages of factual reports of abuse by doctors,
teachers, and a child psychologist, detailing the above mentioned incidents and more. The courts did not acknowledge this or even make mention of it in a 78 page judgment. They will not deal with it!So my son continues to be abused, physically, emotionally, verbally etc. He is forced to sleep with his father, and when he has a little friend sleep over both boys sleep with his father. What kind of man doesn't realize this is inappropriate. To me he has become Cayman's Michael Jackson.I am skimming over many details that would turn most people's stomach because the story is too long.The Human Rights Committee began a report upon receiving a copy of my 139 page affidavit over a year ago. But from what I know it has not yet been presented. It is entitled "The State's Responsibility to Protect the Child"It is too late to save my little boy from the horrendous abuse he's been subject to but I hope it will save others.That is enough for this morning but I will write more later that tells of the treatment received in court and how an "excellent" mother has come to lose her child, go from making over $300 000 CI a year to selling my belongings to put food in the fridge and why we live in a house that is 100 degrees in the day with no a/c, sleep on the floor and go without when my son's father lives in the lap of luxury thanks to a lot of my money he stole.I am winding down to the point of the story now. Over all there were many more reports of abuse, odd markings, rashes etc in the genital area, behaviour symptoms of abuse, soiling himself, wetting himself, violence against other children, nightmares, and self mutilation in a subconscious way that leaves him bleeding, a child psychologist who stated she felt there was ongoing abuse but not enough evidence at the time to prove it. She was threatened by my ex for this report and my son was not allowed to see her anymore.He then developed stomach problems within weeks. He had pains, dry heaving and cramps on occasions he had extended time away from me. This went on and he was diagnosed with IBS caused by stress. The medication worked but his father stated I was pouring poison down his throat. I have documented messages stating I am trying to kill my son by giving him lethal dosages of medicine. The doctor that reported the illness and the messages he witnessed was then accused of being my lover. Whenever someone helps me, or befriends me I am sleeping with them, or with their husbands, and at one time was accused of sleeping with a female friend who had encouraged me to leave my ex. To my friends this is comical considering how afraid I am of even talking to men. But I have learned to be afraid because of years of being called whore.I miss the days of tossing a football around with a male friend, having a drink and shooting the shit like I always have, being the tomboy I always was. And my son is certainly missing out on the sports and other masculine contact that his father is not able to provide.My ex denied in court that My son had any stomach problems. Yet after the trial he used the stomach problems to take a vacation with My son, not allowing me to go. He's taken My son to the hospital many a night and not allowed me to see him or talk to him. My son's stomach problem has progressed to constant vomiting at his father's house since being taken from me.He has allowed a five year old to apply wart treatment by himself to his own foot in a hard to reach spot. My son applied too much and the acid (which has a warning on the bottle even if he hasn't the common sense to know) dripped between his toes and ate away at the flesh. Then My son smelled the bottle, leaving an acid skin burn on his nose. My son said it hurt and he dropped the bottle and it broke. I have all of this in emails from his father that confirms what I am saying.Last year I applied to the court to allow me to remove My son from the jurisdiction to return to Canada with me considering I was no longer able to work on the Island.Our trial was bumped three times, after my mother flew down to testify only to be told the mornings the trial was to start that we were bumped yet again.We went from a week trial to two days, not leaving time to deal with all the issues.My ex selected and paid a psychiatrist from Miami to come in and do a report. He spent an hour and a half with each of us and made a report to state that I would not promote a good relationship between father and son. He stated that I should stay for two more years so that My son could properly form the bond with his father that couldn't be broken. He was told by my ex that I had the right to stay as a key employee, however the letter from immigration states otherwise as well as the letter I now have from my ex telling immigration he does not support my trying to stay on island and work.The judge based his whole decision around this doctor's report, ignoring all others including the child psychologist who had been working with My son for years.The Miami doctor failed to mention in his report that My son has a sister. When finally asked by my lawyer the affect of losing his sister would have on my son the doctor looked surprised and then simply said "It will be a disappointment."He said I should stay and that if I left it would be by choice. He said I should maintain care and control as long as I stayed - that there was no reason to take my son from me. I am a good mom.He basically said my son's nanny was at that time more important than his mother. My ex has gone out of his way to keep the nanny here and she is well beyond her time allotted on the Island.However, the man who was said would promote a good relationship between mother and child has since:
Taken me to court as soon as possible to access his care and control. He did not wait to see when I would be forced to leave to do this but did it immediately.He wrote to Immigration to state he does not back my staying.He refuses to let me speak with my son, see my son when sick or be involved in any of my son's medical issues. He said he doesn't like my state of mind and will not allow me near my son.He wrote an affidavit stating he didn't think I could come back on Island if the court allowed me to take my son to Canada for our first trip in four years.He lied in court dozens of times - all proven because we have transcripts.He stole my paychecks - this was proven, admitted etc. and brought to the court's attention - I guess that must be okay here!He took me to court to garnish my wages because I couldn't afford the most expensive school on Island. I suggested my son go to public school or a less expensive private school. I was not allowed to make this decision when I had care and control. The female judge garnished my wages.I didn't make enough at that time under the garnished wages law to allow this. (Because he had cut my hours more than half, and taken many cuts off my cheques already) Therefore the court order to allow this was never signed. He used a fake order, not signed, not filed with the court, and forced his accountant to garnish my wages anyway.All shown to the judge. Doesn't matter.He sued me to pay his landscaping bill stating I did it I should pay for it. He said he had no idea I was doing it even though it took several days to do. He said he shouldn't have to pay for it even though I was made to leave the house. Yet he wouldn't allow the landscaping company to take their trees back when they tried and told them he'd call the police.
I had to pay - the judge said although he had no right to this ethically speaking, by law it was to be accepted as a gift. He then took our furniture out of our house at Christmas because I couldn't afford to pay for it due to having to pay for the landscaping. He removed it and then sent emails to his friends laughing at me about it. This email accidentally came to me as well. He has left his son sitting on the floor when the cost of the furniture was only $750He payed support whenever he felt like it and lied in court saying he always pays and always on time. However the court funds office provided a printout that shows otherwise.He has lied, cheated, stolen, broken laws, abused etc and it is okay. The courts refuse to see him as anything other than a great father. My son is different. He has some emotional problems, and some serious physical problems.After taking my son from me he emailed me to say "that I would grow old and bitter and alone and he thanked God every night for doing what was right for my son" You can't hurt a parent any deeper than by making this statement to a mother who lost her child simply because she is an ex pat!!!I am not a bad mother.I was not found negligent, unfit, or a bad mother in any way nor was there any evidence ever brought to the court to say this.I did nothing to deserve losing my son.I lost my son because I am an expat.The worst thing is I lost my son to an abusive man. I have sold everything I own to stay longer, I have accepted money from my parents, and we live in poverty and inhumane conditions. It is often a hundred degrees in the house. I make sure the kids are comfortable. They can play in their little pool, they get the room in the house with the great breeze and they get the fan. They get the food and I gladly go without to see them eat.I was lucky enough to go home for five weeks and pack on 15 pounds! Poor mom - couldn't keep the food in the house.Even the baby gained three pounds. My son ate healthy and was happy to discover he liked it! It was better than the diet of fast food he usually gets where he lives.And he didn't throw up the whole three weeks with us. However he shed a few tears and wet himself twice after some disturbing calls with his father. I can find no words to describe the pain and anguish of watching my son suffer and watching my daughter go without while I fight to make this right.I will never be able to make it up to those around me who have suffered right along with me. I spent years keeping it all to myself as the Cayman society teaches us to do. I question why, what did I do, what could I have done better, how could I have fought harder, but even with the help of the counselors at the Women's Resource Center, I still have no answers. They have lived through this with me, and they reassure me on a regular basis that they can find no fault in me for what has happened. I believe them but I still can't stop looking for what I did wrong.I can't understand it and can't accept that the judge was right when he took a five year old boy from "an excellent mother" and gave him to a man he found to be "emotionally and verbally abusive". I can't believe that this judge justified the abuse by following up to say "that he felt it was out of the father's frustration in the fact the mother would not live in the family unit he wanted".So abuse is okay if you have a reason why? Because I didn't do what an abusive man wanted of me his continued abuse is justified?I can't accept that a judge should base his whole decision on one paid witness' findings while ignoring an expert witness who is employed by the Cayman Island Government.I can't accept that laws can be broken and that it is okay because of who broke them.That the Government has spent years and a vast amount of money to set up the Women’s Resource Center, yet the court system ignores their reports.That the Labour Board, another Government Institute can submit a report to be totally ignored as well.It seems that the Cayman Island Government and many hard working people are trying to make changes to this Island to help protect women and children, yet the court system refuses to acknowledge these Government Institutions.The courts have basically turned the Women's Resource Center into a big Band-Aid! There to help us deal with being abused, but not allowed to take steps to help make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My grief and anguish is mixed deeply with anger beyond any I have ever known before. I feel frustration and waves of anger that make me want to scream, kick, throw something, break something etc and there is no way to let this anger out. I have nothing left to lose but to fight back by telling my story.There is a group of women that have banded together and we have an email address that we all access. It helps us remember we are not alone.It is mailto:stayingsafecayman@gmail.comm
Please feel free to make comments that other's can read. Bounce suggestions around, ask questions that I may have not answered in this brief account of almost 8 years of terror at the hands of one man, now enabled and made stronger by the court system.Please forward this to everyone you know on face book and ask them to do the same.Please email anyone you know in Government, the media, women and children's advocators, Human rights advocates, etcPlease email your thoughts to Canada's Governor General, Michaelle Jean at info@gg.caPlease do this to help my children if no other reason. You all have kids, sisters, mothers, etc please picture yourself in my shoes, or your sisters, your kids, your mom, etc. Please do this quickly - I have 20 days left before I will be deported.I am trying to get into court again but I can't afford to keep staying.Ask Canada to help, tell them they need to protect their citizens no matter where they are, tell them to send an expert witness, legal team, a representative of some sort to the Cayman Courts. Tell them to get involved.
